#40 McCocktails

On weekend mornings I must admit, I enjoy having spiked beverages to start my day. Whether a coffee with Kahlua or Whiskey, a Mimosa or the occasional Bloody Mary (though Mimosas are definitely my fave), I find that it makes the weekend feel more vacation-like. I also spend many weekend mornings watching soccer, which includes a drive through McDonald's to pick up breakfast (usually a sausage egg mcmuffin) which I then take to my local pub, specifically Hap's Irish Pub to watch my soccer, specifically my beloved Liverpool. When I get to Hap's I order Guinness (I call it my breakfast beer) and you might be surprised to know how swimmingly it pairs with an egg mcmuffin. Like Ronald and Grimace concocted that themselves. Well, one recent morning as I was enjoying my egg mcmuffin though craving a mimosa (which Hap's rarely makes) I was stricken by a bolt of genius. I think McDonald's really need to have liquor licenses. More importantly, McDonald's needs liquor licenses to make my dream beverages (which I imagine would go over quite well). Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the McMosa and the Bloody McMary! Oh yeah. See, McCafe needs a beverage counterpart, and I think McCocktails are where it's at.

#39 Full Moon Hat

Schizophrenics, as I understand it, oftentimes think that the government is trying to control them through chips implanted in their brains, which I guess must get there when they're sleeping or something. To protect themselves, the loonies create and wear hats out of tin foil in order to block the transmission waves, thereby averting imminent governmental control. Ok then.

Well, I'm not crazy, but I do notice that I can get a bit off axis let's say, during full moons. The word loony actually comes from the word luna, which means moon in Latin, due to (go figure) the common occurrence of people getting wacky during full moons. Well, it's a full moon today and I've been a bit off kilter this week and I'm convinced it's due to the moon. So I had an idea inspired by the crazies, a special hat that blocks the crazy waves of the moon. I'm no scientist so I don't know exactly what about the full moon makes people nutty, but I'm sure it has something to do with magnetic fields and gravitational pulls of some kind. So my hat idea would have to block all that. I'm sure if mankind can create awesome inventions like iPhones and Playdoh, some genius could make my hat idea work. Of course it better look badass or I won't wear it.

#38 The Time Traveller's Welcome Center

I have always been fascinated by time travel. In fact, last year when everyone else was making new year's resolutions about things like eating less and recycling more, my own resolution was to see every movie ever made about (or related to) time travel. I didn't realize at the time quite how many movies there would be, so like all new year's resolutions, I didn't fully complete it, but also like all resolutions, I intend to. But I digress.

I have thought about time travel quite a bit over the years and not in the physics or the hard science parts, but more in the "realities" of living it. For example, when I'm walking around town I often wonder if anyone who's around me is actually here from another time. Like say someone is incorrectly using their metrocard and the people behind them get mad. Well I sometimes wish they'd turn around and say "sorry pal, but in 1249, where I come from, we don't have these silly cards. give a guy a break!". Stuff like that really gets me thinking about their daily life experiences. Like, are they stuck here? Are they just visiting? Who knows?

It got me to thinking, that essentially time travelers are like any tourists in the sense that they are visiting someplace new and likely don't know anyone nor what to do. So, what would these tourists need (besides friendly hosts)? How about a welcome center? Maybe an online forum, like Lonely Planet, as a way to communicate with each other or to share tips. Imagine you were wandering around the back streets of Edinburgh in 1849 and as you turned left from Princes street into a back alley, you somehow walked through some sort of inexplicable time portal and the next thing you know you're dodging traffic in LA. Messed up right? Well I know I sure would feel lost, confused and unsure of what to do next. That's where my idea comes in. All they would have to do is just ask for the nearest time traveler welcome center (we can brainstorm catchy names another time) and all would begin from there. I think this could be great.

And for the record, as time travel movies go, I would say my top pick right now would be either The Lake House or Lost's Season 4 Episode 5 "The Constant" (which I realize is not a film but is awesome nonetheless).

*Funny side note, Keanu Reeves was also in the Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure films, which also had time travel. Lucky.

#37 - Cobbler

It's a lost art, right? It's at least dying. Or is it? Apparently not.

The economy has been generally shit for the last year and a half or so, in case you just emerged from your cave. That has globally impacted everything, primarily the job and housing markets. So aside from hedge fund guys and foreclosure vultures, who else has actually been doing well during "these tough economic times"? Believe it or not, tailors and cobblers. Yes, tailors and cobblers. Why you ask? Well, when I asked my tailor and cobbler that question, I was told it was because people have rathered repair their stuff than buying new. I know it sounds crazy, but it makes lots of sense. I have a great tailor in town named Mike. I love the guy. Aside from being a great tailor, he's a super human being to boot. I've been going to Mike for about 4 or 5 years now to have anything from simple hems and mends done to some relatively complex alterations and rebuilds. Those who know me, know that I can be a bit particular. I will say that Mike is also a patient man. I hope to someday have him make me a custom suit but until I can afford to do that on this continent, I will at least continue to have my alterations done by him. This post does have a point, read on.

It got me wondering, how does one become a tailor or cobbler and then naturally should I be one? Well, as tailors go, I know sometimes they are either fashion grads or they're Asian or Italian. Cobblers though I have no idea. They are dominated neither by a particular ethnicity nor a schooling of any specificity. Which makes this one maybe more complicated because I think I'd like to learn cobblering. Why? Well, first off it's expensive. Secondly it smells good. There's hardly a better smell than shoes back from a repair and shine, no? Mmmm.... Thirdly, I am good with my hands. All sound like good reasons, right? I look at it this way. I figure I only have about 10 pair of shoes and boots and I probably visit the cobbler with those about 4-6 times a year. If I added the repair costs up, I probably spend $300-$400 a year getting stuff fixed. That's kind of a lot. Like enough to buy 1-2 nice pairs of new shoes. That's where I got to thinking. If I could just fix and maintain my own shoes, I could more easily justify acquisitions to my shoe collection from time to time. Problem is, I don't know where I'd learn these skills, which will be necessary should I decide to pursue this craft. Do they have a school for cobblery? Does it require a huge investment in tools? I don't really like tools much, so I hope not. In hindsight, this sounded like a good idea when I started writing this, but funny how things change 10 minutes later. Never mind.

#36 Who Moved My Cheese?

I remember about 11 or so years ago when I was at my last job and we had a bunch of internal changes, many of which didn't sit well with the older set. Next thing you know the book Who Moved My Cheese? starting greeting some of these folks when they would arrive at their desks on random mornings. It's hard to imagine that anyone could manage their staff that way, but alas it was done and it went over as well as you'd expect.

Fast forward to a couple of years ago and I remember reading an article in Harvard Business Review generational trends and how the core traits of generations basically repeat over the course of history as the one sets' actions influence the next. Very cyclical people we are and it was an amazing article. This made me think of how different my generation is from both the Boomers and the Millenials. Those 2 however are surprisingly similar in some respects. Particularly when it comes to having their cheese moved. This lead me to the idea of writing a Who Moved My Cheese, the Gen Y Edition.

See, the Boomers needed that book because their parents (and some of themselves even) largely held same job their whole careers, so when adversity would strike, they seriously had no idea what to do. This jaded our parents who in turn jaded us. We Gen Xers never had any fucking cheese anyway so we had to either find it, make it or just bitch about it. Eventually we sort of figured it out, but then came the next group ready to take over. But the Millenials are like robots. They expect things to be where they are and are truly puzzled when they're not. Wha..? The golden ring is always behind this pink barrel on this level. I dont...it doesn't...compute.....TILT>>> They can't handle it. And in the workplace it's the same. Slightly different cheese, but same reaction. I work with some of these people (kids). They need a book. I can write it. It will help them. Gold stars and blue ribbons for everyone. We're all winners.

#35 Pet Trapper

Most people are either cat people or dog people. Myself, I'm a cat guy (they're tiny, cute and much easier to take care of). Generally dog people and cat people are fairly different, like cake vs pie people or coke vs pepsi people. In fact, it would be funny if a company decided to forego all traditional market research to create their segmentations and just based all product offerings and brands by marketing to dog people or cat people only. I bet that would actually work. Hmm...

Anyway, like I was saying, dog types and cat types may be different, but one thing that they both deal with is an inability to catch their pets when they need to. We know the situation right? Jane chick has to take Mittens the cat (best cat name ever, BTW) to the vet. Normally Mittens is very loving and approachable, but see Mittens has a sixth sense about these things (because cats are awesome like that). So she hides. Jane chick has no idea where Mittens is, but she's late for work and she needs to catch her, stuff her into her cat carrier and get to the vet, asap. Well, this is where I come in. We have cats. Not one, but two and they are both awesome and sneaky like Mittens. I however seem to have a gift in catching cats in just these times. I don't know what it is but I seem to be able to convince them all is safe and once out and bunting on my hand, I strike! Cat gets caught, stuffed in tiny cage and is behind bars before it even knows what happened. It's awesome. I guess I'm like an inside-the-house pet trapper. Now if your pet gets outside of the house that's not really my thing. You can chase it yourself or call your local SPCA. But I don't think there's a service for inside the house pet catching. I see this as a potentially new line of work actually. Not like a quit your day job sort of thing, but more of a freelance sort of gig. "So, what do you do?"...."Well, I'm in mergers and acquisitions as my day job but I take side gigs catching pets inside peoples' homes." "Oh....um...ok".

#34 - Blog Pictures

In looking back through some of my posts (and also being that I am a designer) it seems that maybe my writing could be benefited by accompanying imagery. They'd be funnier too if I drew them rather than using proper pictures. I'll try this for a while and see how that works out.

* this crappy drawing shows a picture and copy making friends. Words and pictures go together well.

#33 Asset Management System

In my industry Asset Management usually relates to important stuff, like documenting each component and generated piece of data during the product development process. Basically sort of a library of stuff like CAD files, images, patents, etc. How does this apply to me you ask? Well, I think a system like this could be really helpful for my own asset management, specifically all my coats and jackets. It would be an Outerwear Asset Management System.

It's well documented that I have an inexplicable obsession with outerwear. I literally just bought 2 more coats over the last week. There must be a 12 step program for this problem somewhere and if not, perhaps starting one could be whim #34? Anyway, aside from having enough jackets and coats to necessitate a cataloging system, I could see this helping not only me, but if done correctly, by incorporating some extra data, could be pretty awesome for lots of people. At it's simplest, this system would have obvious filters like color, type and size, but then you could have things like length, material weight, and temperature rating. We could build in details like number of pockets, whether it fits over a suit, is good for travel, water resistant and it's age. This would likely start as a spreadsheet of some kind but I envision this becoming part of a digital "valet" kind of app or something where one would document their entire wardrobe then use this is a dressing tool. Sort of like Garanimals for adults. Maybe it works like this: I wake up, it's cold out, I have a meeting, it may rain later and my feet hurt from playing soccer the day before. What do I wear? [ENTER] And magically computer gives you options! You might even be able to have a mood or color filter to help you fine tune even more. Crap, this is sweet. I need a programmer.

#31 - Blog Idea #5: Self Help Analogies

I know, I know. Another blog to distract me is all I need, right? But this one could, or should I say will, be awesome. And it's different than my usual blog ideas as it means to help. I mean it has the same underlying intent of entertaining and educating through prose, but thematically it's more socially oriented, a la Chicken Soup for the Soul or something. It's called the Analogy Advice Blog. Sounds straight forward right? It is. The premise is that people would email me not unlike a call in show, like say Love Line, and they would air their problems to me. Problems which they have no good way of making sense of or explaining to anyone. That's where I come in. I've been told I have a sort of gift in the art of analogy. I can take almost any scenario and play it back in ways that make sense, allowing chaos to coalesce and drive enlightenment by connecting seemingly obvious dots. Like, I can take marketers and designers and turn them into cats and dogs to make a point. I can use sports, weather, history, pop culture, you name it, and draw a parallel between reality and clarity. A wise man once said (I think it was in an Indiana Jones movie come to think of it) "May he who illuminated this, illuminate me", or something like that. See, I want to be the "he" in that. Got an issue? Bring it!

#30 Second Place

Was it Michael Jordan or Winston Churchill who once said, "you dont win second place, you lose first"? I dont remember, but I've always liked that one even though I'm not competitive. In matters of competition, I know what I'm good at and what I'm not good at and I'll save my intensity for the stuff I rule while giving a crap if I come in last in say bowling. Doesn't mean it's any less fun. Which is where my "second place" whim comes in.

Most people, when they want to go see an attraction let's say, want to see the biggest, best longest, tallest, etc. How predictable (boring)! But think about it, like the second the Burj Dubai was built well who needs those tiny little Petronas towers in Kuala Lumpur anymore. Everyone wants to climb Everest, right? Well, not this guy. I want to visit all the second best places. Like Waihilua Falls , the Amazon or the second largest ball of twine. These all sound equally fascinating and are probably less touristy and you know how I feel about tourists (ick!). You could even do a packaged trip, like a cruise, on the second largest ship in the world and hit the second best ports of call. I dont like the idea of crusies so I'm not heading that one up, but you can call me while I'm atop K2 and tell me how it went.

#29 Clear Galoshes

Need I say more. You can feel this before I even go into detail, right? So, It has been rainy in this lonely part of the midwest which I'm not fond of as it cramps both my style and does little for my warm, Mediterranean blood. Side note, I also have many really nice pairs of shoes which are forced to hibernate through the winter. I guess I dont have that many actually, but the ones I do have are so nice they should count double. Nonetheless, this winter has been right shit, with snow, rain, ice, and several slushy combinations of said percipitants. Due to that, I wear boots mostly, which is totally cool since I am a boot guy, whatever that means. But the other day, as I was walking to a meeting in the rain with my big, black, rubber boots on (while wishing I was wearing some sweet, brown, Pradas), a stroke of genius came upon me. It happened as an old man walked past me wearing black, rubber galoshes, and since I was huddling under my umbrella, I was focused at the ground and was totally struck by what I saw. I studied them, their color, their weird fit, yet also their practicality. And then it dawned on me. What if they were made of clear vinyl? What if they were even a bit taller, like a short boot? And clear, so you can see the shoe! You sacrifice little of the look, while gaining all of the practicality! The designer in me might want to frost the lower portion to hide and schmutz that may dirty up the inside where the sole sits, but that isn't important. We're just brainstorming here. But I believe we've hit gold with this idea, or at least silver. Which brings me to my next whim....

#28 Giraffic Park (TM)

I was in Greece over the summer visiting family and emptying my brain of all things stressful. During my 10 days away, a close friend (Michael) of mine came for a visit, which was awesome. On one of the days, he and I borrowed my cousin's car and proceeded to drive around the island, one point getting lost. Mind you, this is easy to do on an island composed largely of dirt roads. Anyway, during one point of our being lost we found ourselves in this large sort of arid valley with mountains all around and the ocean in the background and it really felt like we were back in time with no other lifeforms around. This is beginning to sound like the beginning of Brokeback Mountain 2, so I better get to my whim here. So, as we were lost, Michael and I had a strike of creative brilliance and we decided we should start a nature preserve that could become both a tourist attraction and in the process have us heralded as benefactors to the island. This is when my own creativity kicked into overdrive and I shouted out "Giraffic Park!". Startled, he looked at me like WTF? So I said it again. "Giraffic Park!" I went on..."It would be called Giraffic Park and it would be a Giraffe preserve specifically. Giraffes are awesome, they're tall, they fit the aesthetics of the environment, they are just exotic enough to be a draw yet theoretically easy(ish) to procure with Greece's proximity to both Africa and the Middle East." Silence.....Yeah, not sure Michael was feeling the Giraffic Park thing or not, but I cant stop thinking about it. This one is like once in a lifetime good. Seriously though, where does one buy a Giraffe?

#27 Party Planning

I'm several weeks into planning a design conference and I'm finding that I'm pretty good at it. I cant say I love it, but it's fine and my results may lead you to believe otherwise. It's a lot of work though. So much that it seems like it should be a fulltime job. One that pays. And I suppose it's a lot like party planning, but rather than have a set guest list, you have to woo people to pay to hear the people that you dangle in front of them like bait. Sounds weird. At the end of this (in April), I will have (with a bit of help naturally) wrangled about 9-10 speakers, 200-250 attendees, designed a logo, developed collateral, identified a venue, planned after-hours events and MCed a 3 day conference for which I will not paid so much as a free t-shirt. We dont have budget for those. All that said, I would guess that if I can plan this, I bet I could probably swing a bar mitzvah, a birthday or a wedding. Even if there are clowns, bands or petting zoos involved, right? Party planner. Maybe that is my destiny? Come to think of it, a petting zoo would actually be pretty sweet at my conference.

#26 Martial Arts

I am not a tall man as most people will attest. I suppose tall is relative, but generally speaking I'm just shy of average height. I am however freakishly strong and could always hold my own in fights as a kid. At the end of the day, I am who I am (like Popeye) and am perfectly comfortable with myself. In fact, I honestly dont recall the last time I was ever afraid of anyone bigger than me (and you should be because tall people are f-ing crazy. Fact.). That is until this past weekend.

I was at a going away party at a bar on Saturday night. One of my coworkers joined us later in the night with his friend Loser (name changed to protect his assholish anonymity). Well, Loser was tanked, and huge and a close-talker. And he had rage in his eyes. Like a mad drunk. And being a happy, lovey drunk myself, I totally cant comprehend the mad drunk. Well, I tried to be courteous and make idle small talk since I could give a shit to become friends with this guy. But he sort of kept getting more belligerent and was aggressively close-talking to some friends of mine too. I can get protective of my friends, so this was not sitting well with me. And in pondering that for a moment, it occurred to me that if he tried anything and I intervened, I would most likely lose. And lose badly because he was huge. And it was in that moment that I decided that maybe I should consider looking into martial arts classes of some kind. Cause I mean, if you have to throw down unexpectedly, It'd be kind of sweet to drop some ninja shit on a motherf%^&)er. If you had to anyway.

#25 - Manly Leg Warmers

Before you turn up your nose at my idea, hear me out. I got an awesome scarf last week from a friend in NYC and I love it's chunky knit. As I was thinking about it's chunky knit (which I have come to learn is called a "pearl" knit) my mind drifted towards outerwear possibilities. It's really chunky and warm so why limit it's use just to scarves. A knit this grand needs more opportunities to shine. I also like zippers a lot. Big, chunky zippers and was thinking about how one could combine the two. On top of that, I am also into military attire, and specifically WW1 era uniforms, as (and I know this sounds absurd) they seem to have been more tailored than later war uniforms. I'm digressing a bit, but this is where I bring it home. Imagine if you will, an outfit that had a heavy military jacket about butt length, a pair of kind of beat up jeans and some sweet boots. Now add to that what I will call an outersock on the lower legs. These outersocks would be in this chunky knit and would have big ole zippers going down the sides. Are you with me? Brand it G-Star or something like that and it is instantly totally butch and totally on brand. See, I bet you were thinking Flashdance. Nope. Way better.

#24 The Snuggie

They've been the victim of ridicule since their launch a few years ago, and I admit, I have spouted my share of insults at the Snuggie too. Well, I dont know how to exactly say it, but I think I need one. My house is freezing and I am constantly bundled in an assortment of jackets, hoodies, blankets like some sort of Bedouin Jedi or something. Problem is, I can't actually do anything if I'm wrapped up like that. Take for example today, where I am sick at home and am trying to do some work. Well, I cant. Not very effectively anyway. The blankets are getting in my way when I sit. They drag when I stand. They get wet when I wash my hands. It's just not working. I need a Snuggie. It has sleeves. It's a blanket with sleeves. Yes, ridicule-worthy for sure, but also practical. Now, what color...

#23 - Blog Idea #4: Hipster or Homeless

I write this before doing even the most cursory Google search, primarily because my idea has most likely already been realized in a zillion fashions. But if we had settled on just inventing the wheel, we'd never have invented tires or 24" gold dubs on which to put tires. Genius is in the way things are expressed. So, back to the blog. This was inspired by an incident from over the weekend where I came upon a dude who I genuinely couldn't tell if was a homless man or a hipster. I paused like one might if they think they heard a strange sound. I assessed my surroundings. I channeled all that I know about fashion, styling and the like. Yet still I couldn't deduce whether or not this man was in fact homeless or not. And I never figured it out either. I dont feel bad about my lack of resolution though. Even Scott Schumann (The Sartorialist) has been thrown off on occasion and he's sort of a professional. Anyway, I believe this sort of thing deserves a blog. Again, I'm certain one exists but whatever.

#22 I will take some time off

More like past tense, seeing as I have been on a 3 week hiatus of whim sharing. I did this because it was the holidays and so I decided to turn my brain off. Genius was temporarily silenced. But like all bad things, the ideas are back and stronger than ever. 2011 will be grand.