#15 - Blog Idea #3: Jack the Cat

My cat Jack is very weird. He acts like he may have been abducted by aliens at some point and had part of his genetic make-up altered so that he is now in fact part alien and may even be in communication with the mothership. Why do I think this, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. First off he acts like he doesn't exactly know how to be a cat. For example, he won't allow you to pet him with your hands, only your feet. Secondly, he kneads like cats do, but not on people, only on socks. Thirdly, and maybe most disturbing, his meow sounds robotic. Like he's part android, like say the cat version of what Twiki from Buck Rodgers may have sounded like were he a cat and not a tiny robot. That's just some of the stuff.

So where does the blog come in? Well, I think it would be funny to write a blog written in the first person (cat actually), from Jack's perspective as if he is communicating with the outside world. I envision the first post to be sort of like his a-ha moment of finally learning how to turn on the computer or something. Then it could go a few directions. One may be that it's his daily report to the mother ship, documenting his and his keepers daily activities. Another option could be that he is in fact being held captive and is trying to figure out how to get back to where he came from. Which apparently isn't the dumpster in Madisonville where he was found.

In my head this is hilarious.

#14 I want to try my hand at acting

There is a surprising amount of theater involved in my line of work. I'm in design consulting which means I deal with many existing and potential clients. That means I have to turn on the charm to woo them or calm them when they're angry or convince them all is great when behind the scenes the place is going to hell. Smoke and mirrors are a key part of my arsenal. Well, I would like to see how those skills apply in actual acting of some kind. I have some friends who are film-makers and I have often been told I should try it. Of course that was when I was younger and better looking. Now though I have the experience and sophistication, oh, and cynicism, that only come with my older age. So, where does one start? Theater? Stand up? Homemade iPhone Youtube movie?

I don't know about fancy movie terms, acting skills, directors or obscure foreign cinema. But I do know this. I should be an actor. It's my calling. Today anyway.

#13 I'm going to post a series of themed posts called "Celebrity Friendships". This is the 1st one.

Every now and then I'll read an interview in GQ or watch one on television and I'll think to myself, 'you know, I bet such and such celebrity and I would make awesome friends'. I'm sure everyone thinks that from time to time and with some celebrities having roles which may typecast them as really approachable (a la Will Farrel), how could we not? Well, this isn't about Will Farrel, Tony Danza or even Matt LeBlanc. It's about me and my genuine belief that I could be friends with certain celebrities. Ironically, I don't get star struck and I don't actually think I'd like most celebrities, but there are a few who I am convinced I could be or even should be friends with. In my opinion, this warrants a series of posts on this blog of ludicrocities. I was going to write about James Franco tonight, but with the Gwyneth Paltrow episode of Glee serendipitously beckoning me, it is my fair Gwyneth that I will discuss instead. You'll get your turn James, fear not buddy.

I will say in advance that I think Gwyneth Paltrow is pretty hot. That's not it though, I just think she's cool. She's friends with Michael Stipe for one, who coincidentally I also believe I could be friends with, making my friendship with Gwyneth that much more awesome if the 3 of us went shopping or out for coffee or whatever. She seems pretty down to earth all things considered (her little one being named Apple not withstanding) plus she likes to travel, eat and seems musically and artistically inclined to boot. And she's multi-lingual on top of that. Oh, and she's married to the guy from Coldplay, and I love Coldplay. Not the last album so much but the others are great. On top of that, Gwyneth also likes Spain speaks Spanish and cooks Spanish food, all facts that would make my wife love and approve of her as one of my new BFFs.

So now you see how this works. It's all very logical and would totally work. Ok, so how do we do this?

#12 I came up with my "million dollar idea"

Only problem, was after gleefully sharing with some of my closest confidantes, I was told it'd never happen. The irony is that sort of cynicism is typically the territory of my generation, not the Yers I was dining with! Table turned, Mr. Bond.

Well, this idea had it all. Genius, revenue, extension, novelty, easy implementation. Everything! Problem was that it's an application of sorts and I know nothing about programming. Now I know people that do, so that's not the biggest hurdle. The main issue is that in order for my application to work, it would have to be used on another application which doesn't allow such things. Before you go naughty on me and think I'm cryptically talking about porn on the iPhone, it's not that. It's better. So good in fact, that even in doubt, I will not share it. Some day my friends, some day.....

#11 I dont feel like blogging this week

That's what I said to myself last weekend, so I didn't. How's that for follow-through?! And that's not to say that I didn't have some awesome ideas, I just didn't have the motivation to document them. Had I written them, I would have talked about things like my desire to go to Astronaut camp, or how I think I should become a motivational speaker. I also may have written about how after listening to the Glee soundtrack, I now want to get my guitar out and start an accoustic band with my friend Matty (he doesn't know this yet) and we'll play folk-punk versions of cheesy 80s songs. That would be awesome. The great thing about a whim like that, is that it spawns new whims, like naming the band, then designing t-shirts, then actually finding a venue to play these songs. Sigh.... That one does sound pretty great. Now if only I knew how to play the guitar.

#10 I would like to some day be encapsulated in glass

Not like right now, but when I'm dead. I'm assuming like most people I'll eventually have to die. I don't like it (me dying) anymore than you do but it's likely a part of my future so I have started thinking about what will happen with my body. Well, unless my space pod dream comes true, I'll probably be forced to choose between a creepy coffin or cremation. Well, I don't like either of those options to be honest. So I had an awesome idea. What I'd like instead is to be encapsulated in glass. How sweet would that be?! The way I envision it is basically that I would look sort of like those clear plastic models of the human body like we had when we were kids (do they still make those?). But I wouldn't have my organs exposed or anything, it would just be me dead in glass. Clear glass with no tint, though a bit of frosting around my goods might be nice. Don't want to have any awkward moments at the wake!

#9 I will write myself into a tv show

I got a note from an old friend of mine the other night asking me how awesome would it be if we wrote ourselves into an episode of the Jefferson's. That was a truly genius idea. Being a creative genius myself, my mind took this to extreme heights. What I envision is scouring Youtube to watch as many Jefferson's episodes as possible. Then I will select one and write myself into it. But I won't stop there. My amazing Photoshop skills will come into play. I will literally put myself into the episode. Writing and visuals merged into a symphony of optical wonder. Man, do I really have to go to work tomorrow?!? I must work on this.